hello again!

Gees...it's been awhile since i've blogged! But, if I'm being totally honest with myself, I haven't really been in the mood to blog...or even talk really.
BUT today Dr. Peterson said something that stuck with me. He said, "we grow the most when we think we suck." At first, I thought this was sort of a strange thing to say but then thought about it more and realized that maybe he's right. After I found out the news that I had soft vocal nodules I was crushed. I thought, "what do I do" but then I decided to take a different outlook about it and be positive! For awhile it worked...until I started singing and didn't see improvement. (Obviously!). I guess I thought that having a positive attitude would change everything, but it takes a lot of hard work too.
Last week in my voice lesson all I could think they entire time was, "I suck." I wasn't sounding like myself, I didn't feel like I was doing my best, and I was frustrated beyond. But ever since then I've been really focusing on my voice more than I have in awhile and this weekend during our concert I felt really strong. Today I do too. I think Dr. P has a point, when we think we suck, and we get down on ourselves, after away the frustration gets to us and we subconsciously think to ourselves, alright it's time to step your game up -- and we begin to grow as a person in all aspects.
So I'm challenging myself to grow. Everyday. Even if it's just one thing.
Take the challenge! :)

it seems that

At every moment of our lives we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss...

silence makes the heart grow fonder...

So on Wednesday I was put on vocal rest by my doctor and vocal coach. Initially I figured, oh this won't be too bad...Well, I was so incredibly wrong. This is my fourth day in a row of complete silence, no singing or talking, and it is such a challenge! Being on vocal rest has made me realize two things: 1- I LOVE TALKING and 2- it's made me realize how much we talk everyday! Whether it's in my lectures or just responding to a "How are you?", we as humans talk a lot. Although I've been doing a really good job and frankly, am really proud of myself for not talking, it hasn't been easy. Thank god I have such supportive roommates -- well ok, they think it's kind of funny; for instance Carly the other day said, "Oh my god this is so fun, it's like charades!" I suppose that's the silver lining of it all -- instead of mope, make it a game!

This weekend I have so much work to do. I have a paper to write, a music history test to study for, 4 songs to memorize, an ear training test to practice for, but in all of the hecticness...I really just want my grandpa's big breakfast. He used to make this amazing feast with all the works: eggs, sausage, bacon, toast, biscuits and gravy, you name it! What I would give for his breakfast. What I would give for him to be here... But, he is here. I have to believe that.

xoxo

yummm

this is a Chai Tea Creme Brulee...I need this...

currently listening...

I am in love with finding new musical discoveries!

I don't know where this band came from or why I have never discovered it before, but thanks to my great friend Kelly Rae, the HURTS album has been on major repeat for about 2 weeks now and it's not getting old in the slightest! These two men are brilliant in everything they do...I can't wait for their next album to come out because if it's anything compared to this one it will be utter brilliance.

Also on repeat is the, not new discovery, but always amazing Iron and Wine. The Endless Numbered Days album is possibly one of the most musically amazing things I personally have ever heard. It is the perfect thing to wake up to or fall asleep to. It's a perfect combination of soothing guitar and allay vocals. Samuel Beam, you've outdone yourself once again.

And lastly, at least for today, is a local band from right here in Orange County (now LA) that is becoming much more well known. Local Natives album Gorilla Manor is awe-mazing. These guys seriously have something amazing to offer the musical industry and world. Their song "World News" is probably my personal   favorite, but all of their songs are fantastic. The music is fairly simplistic, but their vocals and harmonies will take you away on quite a journey. It's turning out to be awesome studying or gym music...eh what am I kidding, Local Natives can filter through my ears and mind anytime :)

thank god.

Well i must say, thank god this week is basically over! With my emotions scattered all over the place I really haven't felt myself all week. And worst of all, I have laryngitis and have been put on vocal rest meaning I can't sing or talk: basically my two favorite things in the world. ( I got caught by my voice coach today talking and got yelled at..)

Being sick is bad enough; but being sick and a vocalist is the worst. If you sing, you know what i'm talking about. I think about half or more of the vocal department is sick right now with something...

This week I've really been feeling down physically and emotionally but tonight, a night with food, friends, laughter, and love, brought me out of my slump. It is these people who make living day to day worth it.

When I first moved here I was sad because I felt like I had no family near me. But the truth of it is, I do. The people I live with and surround myself with each day are as much my family as anyone else. And for that I am truly grateful.

Much Love.

"Music reaches out."
This was too awesome not to post.

series of unfortunate events

Well last night made me realize that sometimes bad things happen to good people. But what I don't understand is why. Are they meant to be learning experiences? Is it karma? I have yet to learn the answer to that question, but things happen -- and they are not always pleasant.

How we respond to the bad things are what matters I suppose. Whether we like it or not, they happened and can't be erased. We have to accept what happens and move on. Put it behind us and go forth with our lives. I suppose it's just hard to move on from certain things that really affect us.

I'm so thankful for my friends in times like these. I don't know what I would do without them.

I refuse to let anyone make me feel mediocre and like they can treat me in any way that I'm not ok with. At least the one thing I gained from this was knowing what I will never let someone do to me ever again.

I wish it was sunny outside. I woke up today sad, confused, and its pouring rain. Cheers to this series of unfortunate events...

sunshine makes everything better

Being from northern california, I'm used to warm summers and cold, dark, rainy winters. But now in southern california I'm having to adapt to this new climate where it is sunny and hot about 325 days out of the year. I've been back at school for a week now and everyday it's been about 70 degrees or warmer outside. It's sunny with blue skies everyday. We even went to the beach last weekend! In January! For a norcal girl, that was an experience.

Today I woke up to, once again, sunny blue skies and while enjoying my morning coffee marveled at the realization of how the sunshine can totally alter your attitude. It's pretty hard to be sad, or gloomy when you look out the window and the sun is shining bright -- you can't help but smile. Today would be the perfect day for a beach trip or some volleyball. I think I could get used to this :)

new year, new attitude.

Well I survived my first semester in college. It was the hardest, scariest thing I've ever gone through. Of course I was so excited to move away (who wouldn't be?) but as I started school and settled into my new life I wondered, almost daily, whether choosing a school where I knew NO ONE was the best idea. The first few months, the answer was absolutely no. I was terribly homesick. I was transitioning from my hometown where I had friends, family, I was involved in choir, water polo, and my community, into a place where I had never spent more than a few days, I had no friends, and no family. I was completely alone for the first time in my life.

Then I realized quickly that anything I thought I had learned in high school was pretty much useless. College was a whole different ballpark. Classes were harder, professors could care less, you never had to go to class, and literally every decision was mine. At first it was liberating; then it was frightening. First semester was such a rollercoaster. Happy...Sad...Content...Lonely...Excited...Confident...Embarrassed...I felt like I was falling apart, and during the time when I was supposed to be "finding myself", falling apart was the furthest thing from my goal. But I survived.

Now, it's my second semester, and after a long a restful winter break, I was ready to be back. I was prepared to face my schedule, my friends, my professors, my fears, my goals, and myself. And now, after a week being back I can truly say I have not been this happy in quite sometime -- and it feels amazing. My life is full of music, energy, laughter, and a happiness I haven't felt in I'm not sure how long.
I'm taking 11 classes this semester-20 units- and although some days I wonder "what in the world am I doing?" for some odd reason, I'm not worried. I'm confident in myself, and am trusting the cliche saying that "everything happens for a reason." Good things are starting to happen and I'm learning to trust. And even if things aren't good, they will be.

"In the end it will all be ok; if it's not ok, it's not the end."

This is not the end, this is only the beginning.